On yer bike

Jason is now cycling to work and in with the cycling crowd now. Every now and then they come up and tell him that his bike has got a puncture, when it hasn’t. “The good news…” one of them was telling him”…is that it’s only flat at the bottom of the tyre.” Hilarious stuff.
Today he actually went down to take a look, because they were so insist ant, and he did have a flat tyre. Luckily Jason was on a half day and was being picked up by his girlfriend, not cycling home.

Old Mill

After the meeting I had with Junior and one of the Dave’s this morning, Dave was telling me about his recent trip with overnight stay for work. He told us that he’d had to stay over in a village with Rob, who works on his section. He’s not particularly keen on him and quite surprised after they’d booked in Rob had looked at the amenities in the surrounding area and offered a trip to the Old Mill to Dave, only a short walk around the corner from the hotel. Sadly for Dave, when they got round the corner, it was actually an old mill, not the pub he was expecting. As soon as they’d got onto the main street he saw the barbers and told Rob he was going to get his hair cut. Needless to say he didn’t enjoy his works outing with his team-mates.

More concerning was the last trip out Junior had been on with some of the managers, where he referred to them as “Coked out of their head”.

Lottery Rollover

Sadly we are doing the Euro lottery quite frequently now, because nobody has won the big Rollover (currently at 80million). We won £6 last week because we got a line with both “Lucky stars” on, so I suggested that they each pay 30p and we play again this week. Collecting the money; Eric asked if I had got ten pence change. Before my mind engaged I asked
“Why, have you got a 40p piece?”

Of course had had got two twenty pence pieces.

No Fun Sunday

One of the guys in the office walked in first thing on Monday and announced that he had been on the toilet all Sunday. One of the girls said that she had been sick all Thursday. He said this was just diarrhea, with no sickness,

“I just felt like I had to go to the toilet all day.”
“Did you have enough
company toilet paper?” asked one of the other girls.

(He collects the part used rolls of toilet paper from the toilets in the morning, because he found out that the cleaners throw them away and put new ones on every day anyway). He carried on to tell us that all he did yesterday was iron and go to the toilet. He had told us about his routine of getting up at 7.00 in the morning on a Sunday and doing all the ironing. He then complained about his wife’s fancy clothes from Next. I don’t mind a few pleats, but when there’s twisted material, or on bit joined to another.

Lottery Winners

With the rollover for the Euro millions being £66,000 everyone has got lotto fever, and they all wanted to have a go. Jason told us that if he won he would smash up his house, which is quite disturbing. When the conversation changed to if he would come back to work, he told us that he would come in to work to rub everyone's nose in it. He was going to park his new Porsche sideways across the disabled parking bays (I don't know what the disabled have done to him).

Jason: "I would buy everyone in the building breakfast, ...but put a £2
limit on it."
Me: "Why would you put a £2 limit on it if you'd won millions?"
Jason: "You know what people are like...someone would take the piss."

He finished off his fantasy and then askwed what I would do. I told himk that it was so unlikely to happen that I hadn't given it much thought.

Me: "You're more likely to drop dead in the office of a heart
attack."
Jason: "Thanks Ed...ou really know how to look on the bright side."

Tendon

Dave has torn a tendon in his hand and isn’t in for a few days. The hospital informed him that he must have lifted something heavy. He didn’t know what.
bedfore he went off sick, he was joking all Friday that he couldn’t go to the toilet, because that was too heavy.

Grand Result

I have moved from one end of the office to the other recently, and I can already tell who is going to be the new star of my blog.

Friday brought the usual Grand National sweep. Lester had organised it and brought round the list of horses with the odds and the space for writing the name in one column. He’d also got a plastic cup full of the names of the horses for picking out. Jason took out one name, then while Lester was busy writing down names, he saw that it was a 100-1 outsider and put it back and picked out another name. He was happier with his second choice Black Apalachi, being only 14-1. On the Monday he was mad because he had thrown the winner back in. To rub salt into the wounds, I had pulled the winner out after him. He suggested we share the winnings, because without him throwing the winner back in, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to pick him out.

Wrist action

Junior has a group of friends he goes drinking with, who he managed to get jobs for here. One such friend, Darren, Was walking past this morning and he gave him some abuse about the previous night out. It turns out that they had been playing darts (they are bottom of the league). His friend had lost his match, and so his team had lost. Intrigued by this I asked:

Me: “Did you win your match then?”
Junior: “Yes, of course.”
Me: “With your broken wrist? How do you manage?”
Junior: “Well it does give me a bit of a problem if I get it in the wrong position.”

He gestures as if he’s throwing his dart. Becky is silent, covering her mouth in case she bursts out laughing at him.

Indiana Eric

Eric comes to work by bus and has brought himself a new hat for keeping the rain off him. It’s a brown thing with a brim all round. With his brown leather jacket he looks like he wants to be Indiana Jones. Clive and myself have mentioned it to him. I’m not sure how much stick he must get on the bus and in the street.